wolfteen | IC Contact

[Scott's always been better at hope. Stiles...he's just become more hardened and realistic (not pessimistic) to things around here. It sucks, but...but someone has to.

That doesn't mean that he doesn't want it to get better for Scott. He wants it to get better for him more than anything.]

Yeah. I'll--we'll find some way to make it better. I mean, as long as we're together, it has to be okay.

[Not will, but must.]

...I really would appreciate it if you ate, though. Your mom would want you to.

[Yep he pulled the mom card. But he knows Scott will feel better.]

[ Scott thinks about that, and looks away when the mom card comes out. His mom. He misses her so much.

He can deal with most things here. He makes himself deal with it. It's like the werewolf thing at home, he deals because he needs to.

But this? He just shakes his head a little. ]

I really miss her, Stiles. [ A small glance at the sandwich. ] I'm not--

Maybe later. I can't, right now.

[Shit, he fucked up. Putting the sandwich away, Stiles put his hands on Scott's shoulders, squeezing gently.]

I miss her too. I miss my dad...

[He missed a lot of people.]

But we're going to get out of here, one day. And you're going to see her, and she's going to be safe.

[ Scott nods at first, firmly, like he's trying to make himself agree. His hand comes up and he squeezes Stiles' wrist. And then when he talks it's not at all what he meant to say, and he isn't sure how that happened. ]

You don't know that, though. I mean you can't know that.

What if we don't? I died once. I'm only here now because they brought me back. What if I die again, and this time they don't bring me back, and I never even see her again? That could happen. We can't trust them to play by the rules, it's their rules. They could break their rules.

[ So kill them, Peter's voice tells him. Kill them all before they can. Be stronger than them. Do what I would do. ]

[Well.

Stiles just deflates, slightly, trying to process what Scott says. Thing is--Scott's right. He doesn't think he can deny that, lie about it. But Scott's always the one who pulls through this...they've both had their shit times, but Stiles can't deny that Scott has always been able to hold hope, close. In ways that Stiles never could.

So hearing this?

He doesn't know what to do for a moment. But finally, he shakes his head, finding his resolve.]

You know what? I'm going to make sure that fucking happens. Fuck their rules. It won't happen again, but if it does, I'll fucking go to Heaven or Hell, or wherever the fuck they take you and I'll drag you right back.

[Or trade himself.]

You're going to see her, and if I have to kill all the cultists to make it happen, well, fuck it, I start keeping a cultist kill tally.

[ Scott shakes his head a little bit. This is exactly what he’s talking about, this is what COMPASS do to people. It changes them. Scott’s not the same as he was when he got here, he’s not even the same as he was before he died. And Stiles? He’d seen a harder edge to Stiles from the moment he got here.

It’s what COMPASS do. So knowing that, how can they really hope to get their old lives back? Is there any real hope for that? ]

That’s not what I want. I don’t want you to be a killer, Stiles. Look at us. Seriously, look at us, we both carry guns with us on a daily basis. I have training with like two separate people, and one of those people also tried to kill me last week and you know what? I’m fine with that, because I know it’s just what happens here.

I don’t even know if my mom would recognise me now. And I can’t imagine going home and…and not remembering any of this. Can you?

Scott, we've already been killers. Of things that might not have existed, of monsters--but we've killed It's what we are; and that's okay, because we aren't murderers.

[there is a small, distinctive difference.]

No, I can't--but that's going to happen, eventually. We'll go back to our lives, and whatever horrible shit is going to happen to us in Beacon Hills. It sucks, but it's just--

--it's just our reality, now.

I remember getting here. Or getting to the Charon, the first time, and thinking that none of it could be real. Even though it felt real, it seemed like something from a dream for like, the longest time. I'm not really sure when that stopped. I'm not the same, though.

[ He looks down at his hands. That's when he realizes that it's not just because he died, it's not even just because of Peter's voice in his head. It's everything about being here, all of the pain and the torture, all of the lost friends and the distance from his mom, all of it. It's catching up with him, at last. ]

I try to think like. I'll go home, and none of this will have happened. None of the bad, but none of the good either. There are things I don't want to forget, Stiles. People I don't want to forget.
I'm sorry. I know you can't do anything, about any of it, and I just have to. Get over it, I guess. And I will. I just can't help thinking about it right now.

Yeah?

[Stiles snorts, putting the plate down with a louder clatter than he wants, forcing himself to grip at his knees.]

I'm going to go home and forget that Erica and I ever happened. I'm going to go back and not even give a shit that she died. I can't-- [It weighs on him, like a millstone around his neck. But this isn't about him, this is about Scott.]

--forget it. I know you can't just...get over it. It's hard. But you're...you're you, Scott. This stuff never sticks to you. And I don't want it to. Trust me, if I could take it from you, I would.

[Because these are burdens he's lived with. He can deal with it. He doesn't want Scott to have to learn how.]

I think you’ve dealt with enough.

[ And then some. Putting more of a burden on Stiles is the last thing he wants. Actually, putting more of a burden on anyone is not what he wants. It’s not easy for anyone to be here. He doesn’t want to make it harder. That’s why he hasn’t been telling people about this. ]

I just have to, Stiles, there isn’t any choice about any of it. I’ll find a way.

You did.

Yeah well I think you've dealt with enough, dude.

[They all have, when it comes down to it. His situation isn't anything more than the others. They've all been fucked in different ways. He really shouldn't think he's got it worse than anyone else.]

Yeah, I guess I did. You'll--

--it's never going to go away. You'll remember it, you just got to try and stop letting it effect you.

[He shrugs.]

I don't always do the best job with that, but I'm trying. And you do better at that stuff than me.

I’ve never had to deal with this before.

[ Or anything like it, really. Dying is a new experience for him. He’s pretty sure he wants to keep it that way, too. This isn’t a thing he wants to repeat. ]

I’ll try, though. I am trying.

Listen, don’t tell anyone, okay? I don’t need this to be a bigger deal than it already is.

I know you are, Scott. No one is asking you to do anything else, trust me.

[Scott trying is usually better than most people do, succeeding.]

You're not even going to tell Allison?

No, of course I’m going to tell Allison. [ He scrunches up his face, like duh, Stiles. ] She’ll see it if I don’t. At least I think she will. It wouldn’t be fair, keeping it from her.

No, it wouldn't. Okay, so me and Allison.

[Fair enough. Stiles nudges the sandwich nearby. Yes he's still bothering you to eat it, Scott.]

Yeah, you and Allison. [ And no one else, including Jackson, and definitely including Derek. Scott glances up at him, and then sighs. He lifts the sandwich and tears a corner of it off to eat. Okay, happy now?!

He’ll admit it’s maybe kind of good. ]

Thanks. You mind if I stay, for a while?

Stay as long as you want. [Stiles smiles.] I got some cards. We could play them if you want?

Yeah, sure. [ His smile widens a bit. ] I didn't bring anything to bet, though. We can play for the rest of this sandwich?

Nope, that sandwich is all yours. We don't have to play for stakes.

Okay, if you say so. Please tell me you actually have cards, though, cause I don’t.

I do!

[Stiles moves off the bed and rummages, finally grabbing the pack before going to sit back down on the beds with Scott.]

Grabbed these from Steve.

[ Scott smiles, and rubs the back of his neck. ]

I never even thought of asking him that.

Okay, I'm in. Deal me.

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We could possibly leave it here?